Once in a generation, a sporting performance comes along that is so dominant and mind-blowing that historians can do nothing but take note. Jesse Owens at the 1936 Summer Olympics. Bobby Fischer at the 1963-64 U.S. Chess Championship. The 1972 Miami Dolphins. Secretariat at the Belmont. And now, Dyn’s dodgeball team team has joined that list.
While the number 13 might be unlucky for some, it was the margin of victory when Dyn crushed (harsh), mutilated (harsher) and eviscerated (harshest) their opponent Can’t Dodge These Shenanigans 13-0. The convincing victory moves Always Up – Better, Faster, Stronger to 3-0 and atop the NHSSC standings.
Ever the humanitarian, team captain Joe Stelmach wouldn’t kick a team while they were down.
Stelmach went on to warn his squad not to rest on their laurels for their impending Tuesday match against $14.00 the Hard Way.
“This team is slightly better and have a couple of really dodgy people, so rest up your arms.”
$14.00 the Hard Way did not respond to these comments, although Dyn Sports made zero attempts to contact them for response.
If Team Dyn repeats its performance, Al Capone may be in attendance because it would be another Valentine’s Day Massacre (definitely a stretch to fit that into this story). Although Stelmach was looking ahead to next week’s performance, he was able to appreciate the sweet taste of last week’s victory, giving the game ball to Alex Lessard for “taking out two people and being very nimbly bimbly.”
A quick consultation with the Urban Dictionary informs one that nimbly bimbly “describes how a cat jumps, typically from tree to tree.”
Team member Mike Taylor was quick to point out the exploits of Amanda Drouin and Josh Delisle who, like an unvaccinated kid at daycare, caught everything that came at them. Taylor was incredibly impressed by Delisle’s performance because he made these grabs without wearing his glasses. Upon reflection, Delisle’s showing reminded Taylor of the blind super hero, Daredevil.
“Josh Delisle is like Dyn’s Ben Affleck,” Taylor said. Delisle is currently trending on Twitter for #delislestyle.
Let’s hope for their sake that $14.00 the Hard Way aren’t a bunch of Mallrats or a Jersey Girl or The Company Men because when they come to The Town they’ll find out Dyn’s Just Not That Into You and are actually Forces of Nature that might bring them Armageddon, turn up the heat like they’re in a Boiler Room and remind them their Glory Daze are over. They’ll be so scared you could add up the Sum of all Fears as they’re Changing Lanes to Extract themselves from the State of Play. Cash your Paycheck and call Hollywoodland, Dyn’s Going All the Way.
(You try squeezing 15 Ben Affleck movies into a coherent paragraph).
Follow along with Dyn’s run to a title here.